WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social

Bretwalda of the Angli.

Generous host of the Mead Hall

Lord of Wülferhampton.

Please use your Gods responsibly.

Hinc videre possum domum tuam.

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Some fool is always bringing a bull's penis to a gunfight.
4
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14
We've got like a million DVD's upstairs, but M'Lady B is gonna trawl through the streaming platforms for seven hours before picking something we have on DVD upstairs.

*yes, we have an upstairs**

**Yes, we're propper posh.
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47
Your Bretwalda is now the proud owner of a titanium spork.
11
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43
Mr Pip's eyedrop application is going as well as could be expected.
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81
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23
M'Lady B spent 0.96 sheds at the garden centre, and that's cool.

But I want to spend 1.36 sheds on new optics to replace the optics I've had since 1997, and we need to talk bout that?
8
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31
Sat beside a lad in European Studies who claimed he won a competition to name the Yorkie bar.

Certain sure that lying prick is currently a Reform Councillor for Shithole on the Wold or some such.
4
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40
Tbc.

I didn't order the RAF to carpet bomb Devon for fun.

Mild amusement at best.
3
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20
Also, Sunderland, Denmark and Swindon.

Not looking good.
8
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34
Statement from the Office of the Bretwalda.

Your Bretwalda is both proud and humble to be elected the first President of the United States of Europe.

First off.

I'm renaming the EU the British Empire.

Second. The Yingees can fuck right off.

Third. Devon. Consider yourself fucked.
10
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20
Women. Men aren't in touch with their emotions.

They NEVER CRY!

Men.
11
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27
Bruce Springsteen is older than my Mum.
10
1
23
Breaking.

Keir Starmer to elevate anyone who challenges his leadership of the Labour Party to the House of Lords.

Or a shallow grave in Essex.

Allegedly.

Apparently.
5
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28
This week, Mr Pip has barked at

Frog faced traiterous cunts who claim to represent traditional British values whilst hungrily sucking on Vladimir Putin's ball sack

Grout

Softball

The number three

Elves, the smug cunts

Elasticity

Simon Scarrow

Severn Trent Water

Foccacia

and

Hove.
27
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81
For context this is a conversation about avian influenza, RSPB advice to stop seed and peanut feeding from May to October and somebody's failure to understand that endemic and pandemic are not the same words.

Yes.

This person is American.
10
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59
Some fuckers grab hold of the wrong end of the stick and just won't fucking let go.
12
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40
Wordle 1,756 5/6

⬛⬛🟨⬛⬛
🟨🟩⬛⬛⬛
🟩🟨🟨🟨⬛
🟩🟩🟩⬛⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
5
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14
A very happy #FuckOffFriday to one and all.
42
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136
I've nothing but respect for whoever it was in the Italian food industry who decided to market groin sweat as balsamic anything.
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One.
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6
My point entire.
2
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12
Butterkist dressed crab.

Made by Trappist monks.

Up a tree.
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One.
3
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Adds to Idiots who've never heard of a chip buttie list.
3
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26
No.

You ate all the Cadbury Dairy Milk Nibbles.

You cunt.
3
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13
It's not full of stars.

It's full of emptiness.

A vast, unending emptiness.
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Weirdo.

Probably French.
5
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22
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
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46
Great uncle now, apparently.

I'm surrounded by the ankle biting little shits.
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