Bible: In the end times there are gonna be charlatans who use my name to trick you into supporting evil and it will be incredibly obvious to everyone except you.

Evangelicals: This section of the Bible has always been mysteriously vague.

April 04, 2026 - 15:58 UTC

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having been invited over for dinners&Bdays to my maga/evango neighbors only because@ times ii watched their pets….so there there’s no as only ever old test. readings& references, never any new test. or even a mention Jesus& that’s
a mystery to me…ii knew better then to ever ask..he 2liberal maybe
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Bible: when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray on the street corners to be seen by others. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.

Evangelicals: look at us laying hands on the president. LOOK AT US. LOOK.
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Pam Bondi and Karoline Leavitt: Look how big our crosses are
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Evangelicals in the 80s and 90s, raising Guste as a child: you better WATCH OUT for that shit in the new millennium, we won’t be there to protect you from the antichrist during the end times

Those exact same people in the 10s and 20s: omg yes yes give me more, antichrist, slurp slurp slurp
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Bible: Be nice to foreigners or I will literally stab you myself.

Evangelicals: BUILD THE WALL!! MASS DEPORTATIONS NOW!!!
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Something something worshipping false golden idols something something…
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Bible: "He'll be orange."

Evangelicals: "Could be anyone really."

Bible: "His followers will wear red caps on their heads."

Evangelicals: "The Cincinnati Reds?"
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Evangelicals: So far all I'm hearing is Obama or Hillary
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Ooh, I got questions
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Jesus: heed not the false believers who make a show of their prayers and faith. Their faith is false and they will get their's.

Evangelicals: drives a monster truck into a megachurch
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Genuinely Trump matches the horror movie antichrist so closely it fills my atheist heart with just a smidgen of doubt…
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A religious scholar did an in-depth analysis about this which I try to spread around as much as possible:
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I've always considered "[politician] is the Antichrist!" to be hyperbole, but recently I've started wondering what an Antichrist would actually look like

although to paraphrase Sam Gamgee, I'd expect the Antichrist to "look fairer and feel fouler", but this guy looks *and* feels pretty foul
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Ikr?? Pretends to be Christian, deceives his followers, worships money, war in Israel, symbol on the forehead?? Could he be more obvious??
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yeah...
www.benjaminlcorey.com/could-american-evangelicals-spot-the-antichrist-heres-the-biblical-predictions/
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So, AIUI in some of the weirder corners of Jung's writing he had this hypothesis that the Nazis had basically been subconsciously been acting out the myth of Gotterdammerung, with Hitler in the role of Wotan.
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Protestants “read the Bible” Challenge [IMPOSSIBLE]
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Earnest query: what’s the book/chapter/verse for the “obvious to everyone except you” bit?
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Revelation 13: 11-18
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Jesus: "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God" (Matthew 19:24)

Evangelicals: So you mean God wants us to hoard money by punishing poor people
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Reminds me of this SNL sketch that doesn’t seem to exist on YouTube

snltranscripts.jt.org/96/96cheyward.phtml
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Evangelicals reading about literally every villain in the bible:
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Not just the Evangelicals! They spent SO MUCH time in Catholic Sunday school explaining that one away. It really bothered them.
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Oh no my favorite one here is that they spun up some bullshit about “oh no the eye of the needle is a name for a gate into Jerusalem and so it actually means *masturbatory noises*”
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Their true god is Mammon.
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Jesus: (The Beatitudes)

Evangelicals: The Lord speaks in vague and mysterious ways.
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“Actually, “the eye of the needle“ refers to one specific Stone gate that led to Damascus. And as you can see, it is just large enough for a wealthy man’s camel to travel through it. Case closed!“
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"the worse their life is now, the more god will reward them in heaven. I'm helping them, really. see how selfless I am"
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"the eye of the needle is just a door babe, honest, its not a metaphor, I really just don't like camels"
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I am an Evangelical and evil doesn't exist anymore. There's no trickery afoot. Can't we leave Satan alone?
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Catholics: Yeah, we really don’t talk about Revelations much to be honest…

Evangelicals: Revelations is like the best book! It tells us all about humans being deceived by the beast you see…

Catholics: uh-huh, go on honey, you’ll get there …
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Atheists: the whole thing is a crock of shit, and anyone who believes any of it is a fool.
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Yup, also "tithe more, you're poor because you haven't proven that you love God"
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What’s funny is that the “prosperity gospel” promises the same stuff Satan promised Jesus in the desert.
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The Antichrist that Evangelicals believe in is sourced not from the Bible, but from The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. (Source: I have read that damned hoax.)
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Me, as a church kid, attending a service at a Megachurch for New Year's against my will: Well, would you look at all these charlatans...
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Most Christians I know haven't even read the Bible
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They decided the seven hills was a reference to the papacy and not the Roman Empire and then never asked another question about Revelations again until they fanficked the Rapture in 1830
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"The Bible says a lot of things..." --Chief Wiggum
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To be real, idk what white evangelicals are on but most black Evangelicals will quote those segments, explicitly point out proLGBTQ and nonChristian leaders and hit you with variations of “you may think its nice to support that but its the Devil tricking you. Remember you gotta hate them folk”
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my unfathomably dumb white ass parents thought legitimately that Obama was the antichrist, and simultaneously thought that the entire former first family, pets included, were robotic stand-ins.

I cant even with what white evangelicals tried to teach me. they're on some of the most horrendous shit
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Evangelicals have been using that passage to deny any form of public support or if any politician tries to do anything helpful

“Nah thats the antichrist trying to trick us”
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The 11th Commandment:

Thou shalt not believe the “Love thy neighbor” guy sent the “Poisoning the blood of our country” guy to save you… from people who love their neighbors.

It ain’t any more complicated than that. Amen 🙏
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