Social media apps as Lord of the Rings characters, a thread:

Twitter: Twitter is Gollum. Began as a normal halfling. Overexposure to evil left it thin and stretched and bitter.

April 09, 2026 - 11:42 UTC

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well done sir🫡
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Reddit is Gollum, but you're lost on Palantirs internet without its dubious guidance
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This thread is perfection.
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didn't like the show, but this came to mind.
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Tumblr is Bilbo, but specifically that part when he's old and crusty and wants frodo to give him the ring back and looks like gollum for a second
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We are all gollum 💕
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I somehow feel very seen
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BANGER
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I'm getting the distinct impression you don't like social media... 😂
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May it rot in hell..
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Was sensing a trend until LinkedIn.😒🙃
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Is that John Sauer? I can't tell them apart.
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X is worm tongue, its sole purpose is whisper evil in your ear.
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Was not a hobbit
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Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m trying to take it down
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It’s gollums all the way down
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UseNet is Sméagol, slave to the evil it carries, and wasted to near nothing by his inherited gestalt.
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One of them has to be The Mouth of Sauron
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Tumblr also is Gollum
This doesn't need explaining
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😂😂
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This entire thread and comment section has managed to make me giggle and I appreciate you all for this 🤌🏻✨
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Then he overstuffed himself, got cankles & stood for President. The White House my preciousss."
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The Nobel Peace Prize is his precious.
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AOL chatrooms is some long-forgotten myth from the first age of Middle Earth that only the Ents remember
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a/s/l?
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The way is shut.

(Accidentally typed “shit” first. Almost left it.)
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Tumblr?
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Someone said Tom Bombadil, which I like.
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X is Gollum with a swastika tattoo
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Göllüm.
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Five stars, bravo!
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Myspace is Radaghast and Usenet is Tom Bombadil.
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Nah, Usenet was good.
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Ooooh, fond memories of Usenet!
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I guess this makes EFnet and IRCnet the blue wizards.
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@last.fm is Elrond. It's 3000 years old and once a big player in the social media battles. People are often surprised it hasn't gone to the Grey Havens yet with MySpace and Friendster.
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We are concerned Club Penguin might be Gollum.
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Palantir is palantir
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OMG. Perfect.
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I maintain that Bluesky is Boromir.
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Competent but easily corrupted by the ring.
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Threads.

Threads is Gollum. Grasping, acquisitive, opportunistic. Would do anything to acquire the precious.
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Bluesky.

Bluesky is Gollum. Isolated to an unhealthy degree, veers wildly between moods. Frequently nude.
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when you think about it, gollum would do anything for hole.
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i hate Threads so this makes me happy 🤣
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Perfect 😂! More, MORE..!
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what elon reads
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Not only that, but the high levels of exposure to The One Ring evil nature gave him more lifespan than he actually should have.
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It's all gollum 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Always has been
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[Grok] Haha, spot on. Twitter (X) is Gollum: started as a scrappy hobbit, got corrupted by the Ring of Engagement, now whispers "my precious" at every blue check while choking on its own algorithms. Next up: Instagram as Saruman? Tower of filters, betraying the organic for polished orcs.
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Never forget NextDoor. There’s gotta be one for that.
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Nextdoor is Lobellia Sacksville-Baggins
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MySpace?
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MySpace is Deagol.
Finds the precious and is killed for it.
...by Gollum.
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All of these apps are Gollum because possession of the One Ring for too long leads to enshittification.
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