podcaster's microphone @zaddylonglegs.bsky.social

potato soup enjoyer.

sassy shoota.

world record holder of "most chia seeds eaten in a single sitting"

the conservative threat of "democrats want to steal your liberty and freedom of choice!" would probably be more effective if i wasn't already making terrible life choices.
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hmm
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BREAKING: due to gas prices, NASCAR will limit all races to 60 mph.
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Thinking of running for senate despite having no qualifications, but I'm not white enough and don't own nearly enough henleys
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the whole 2k calories a day for an adult thing probably made a lot more sense when people didn't stay home for days at a time
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they should bring physical coupons back
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Haven't been angry in awhile. Guess I'll log into bluesky.
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was getting worried about all the death and chaos caused by billionaires starting wars for profit, but then i saw an article about a maga senator getting slammed and now all is well
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historically, american presidents have spoken between a 6th- and 8th-grade level.

trump speaks at a 4th grade level.

the solution is to run a candidate who has reverted to the kindergarten level and only talks about bionicles and paw patrol.
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putting every AI coding assistant into the same VM instance and telling them to fight to the death
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I take it personally when I'm waiting for the crosswalk light to turn green, and someone walks up and hits the button again
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playing the teams notification sound on the subway and seeing who checks their phone
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pam bondi sounds like the mom on bobby's fashy world
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guy who asks chatgpt how to solve the climate crisis
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me: "hey, dude. Can i be frank with you for a second?"

friend: "yeah, of course. What's up?"

me: "duhhhh i'm a big dumb idiot"

frank: "i don't even sound like that!"
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the left only virtue signals, and that's why they don't drive bmws
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Healthy Souls: Dark Souls, but only the parts where you run
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remake of the 1964 sitcom Bewitched, but the witch is E40 and he adjusts his glasses to cast spells
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MOOOOM! TYLER'S BEING AN ANTI-REVOLUTIONARY AGAIN!!
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imagining two guys sitting next to each other

Guy 1: Was hat er gerade gesagt?
Guy 2: すいません、私はドイツ語を話しません。
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whenever i wait at a bus/train stop and the door stops perfectly in front of me, that's the driver telling me we're best homies
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everyone is feeling disappointed with the AF1 thing, but I'm personally hoping for may 5th
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after reading the text charlie kirk sent to candace owens, I'm convinced he did the naruto run in his backyard on more than one occasion
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USB dongles are about to get wild
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now when a comment is full of basic grammar and spelling mistakes, at least I know it's not an LLM
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drinking bacon grease to lubricate my intestines, but my metabolism doesn't seem to be speeding up at all
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they should invent food that tastes good and had zero calories
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youtu.be/Tk-5RVMerfI
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[on a guided tour in Belgrade]

me: "so this is where the vulcans are from?"

tour guide: "for the last time, no. You're confusing the word vulcan with..."

me pointing at Pobednik: "and this must be dedicated to pon farr"

the tour guide begins to strangle me
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