Pinned
America's doing what? The America? From Fievel? Well that doesn't sound right.
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Yes, the Grink was there. I'm getting to that. He was on that island with me. And I wouldn't be alive to tell my story without him.
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People think of Hotdogs as being the quintessential American food but they're actually based on the traditional British dessert Tepid Hounds, which consists of bread crusts soaked in pork fat.
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I try my best to avoid the trappings of traditional masculinity but my wife has just asked me a singular and innocuous question about Ocean Colour Scene. I'm sorry my love. Welcome to your Saturday Lecture. The subject? Britain's most underappreciated band. The year is 1996...
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Keep me in your prayers. More specifically, keep me in that one prayer where you ask for bread.
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
[loudly within earshot of the universe] i sure hope no one reveals all their cosmic secrets to me today
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
cyberpunk has had its run now it's time for cyberska give me robot rudeboys and augmentations that turn your hands into trombones
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Boss: Let’s put this matter aside for the time being
Me: [looking around nervously] Can only you see the time being?
Boss: Huh?
Me: Is it standing near me?
Boss: Who?
Me: [on verge of panic attack] The time being
Me: [looking around nervously] Can only you see the time being?
Boss: Huh?
Me: Is it standing near me?
Boss: Who?
Me: [on verge of panic attack] The time being
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There was a stoat in the garden! An actual stoat! Just an angry little sock frolicking about like a dickhead. And now I'm supposed to go about my day like normal? Things ain't normal. I've witnessed a tubular menace.
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Always a little disappointed when I'm not in the "Special Thanks" section of the credits. I mean, I know I didn't technically do anything but still might be nice just to be seen. I'm out here doing my best, but whatever.
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
"i could probably pilot a ship through the straight of hormuz" -next big thing 80% of men secretly believe about themselves
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I re-felted a roof today. Worked under the sun using my hands and made a tangible improvement to my life. Went up that ladder a Stephen but came back down it a Steve.
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Me being tarred: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.
Me being feathered: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Me being feathered: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Cock-a-doodle-doo!
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
DAVID BYRNE: Water dissolving! Water removing!
ME: Oh yeah?
DAVID BYRNE: There is water at the bottom of the ocean 🙂
ME: That’s so cool buddy. Did you learn that at school today?
DAVID BYRNE: Remove the water 😡 carry the water 😡
ME: Hm how about we carry some juice in your sippy cup bud?
ME: Oh yeah?
DAVID BYRNE: There is water at the bottom of the ocean 🙂
ME: That’s so cool buddy. Did you learn that at school today?
DAVID BYRNE: Remove the water 😡 carry the water 😡
ME: Hm how about we carry some juice in your sippy cup bud?
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[scientists in charge of the doomsday clock] have we tried maybe just taking out the batteries?
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
in persian culture, telling someone "we're going to kill you all" is considered deeply offensive
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A lot of people are jumping back on The Moon bandwagon now that it's cool again. Where were you when it was only the poets who yearned for her?
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Until we start charging $7.99 a month to look at it, we will never unlock the full potential of The Moon
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
People are going to jump down my throat for this but I just kind of rifle through books looking for the words I like
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
I do not care to see pictures of the far side of the moon. It makes me feel sick. Man has no business knowing what goes on back there, that is between the rock and her Gods.
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[surgeon with evening plans] oh no... this one is also my son as well. That's my other son. Two sons. Because a woman can be a surgeon and have many children.
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
stick bug: i didn't want to trick you. i can't help that i look like this :(
me: how can i trust anything you say?
stick bug: hang on i gotta go lay 1000-1200 eggs real quick. we'll talk later
me: how can i trust anything you say?
stick bug: hang on i gotta go lay 1000-1200 eggs real quick. we'll talk later
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Child mortality rates used to be so much higher because of how difficult it was to feed a baby before the invention of aeroplanes.
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[Sisyphus taking one last swig from his World's Greatest Boulder Pusher mug] well, better get back to it
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
wait a second. long walk... short pier..... my god i'd be soaked. this guy's trying to soak my ass
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[only in Golgotha to visit the farmers' market] They're doing what? Mary's boy child Jesus Christ? From nativity? Well that doesn't sound right.
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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
The Muppets Christmas Carol confirms the existence of Christ in the Muppets universe, meaning that some of them freaks were present at the crucifixion.
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