Instagram.

Instagram is Gollum.
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Gollum had one ring and it destroyed him. Instagram gave everyone a ring and watched what happened. Same obsession, distributed.
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LinkedIn is this guy.
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@juliusgoat.bsky.social
Is the reaper of misery a LOTR character?
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TikTok.

TikTok is Gollum. Highly performative. Deeply disturbing. Same person does both parts of the dialogue.
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LinkedIn is an Elf: draped in a pure, ethereal glow where every career is an epic poem.
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I believe he's technically called The Anus of Sauron.
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OMG this is the perfect one 🤣😂
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Perfect thread. 10/10. This made me belly laugh.
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MySpace is Déagol.
Would probably have turned into (maybe a slightly less evil) Gollum himself, but was killed long ago, leading the way for Sméagol to become Gollum instead.
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Reddit is also Gollum, biting Frodo’s finger (affectionate)
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