it's not his job to watch the game. leave him alone
20
1
1339
hello đ i have developed a new tool called blĂźuĂźmpĂi. blĂźuĂźmpĂi will convert every file on your hard drive to a .wav file without asking you, maximize your system volume, and play them on every bluetooth speaker you have ever connected to. if you offer feedback on blĂźuĂźmpĂi i will take legal action
153
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8493
operator: 911, please state the nature of your emergency
me: thereâs a site i go to a lot that isnât the best way to follow breaking news
operator: is it a news site
me: not really
operator: why donât you go to a news site
me: i donât know
operator: jesus. ok. how many ambulances do you want
me: 75
me: thereâs a site i go to a lot that isnât the best way to follow breaking news
operator: is it a news site
me: not really
operator: why donât you go to a news site
me: i donât know
operator: jesus. ok. how many ambulances do you want
me: 75
24
7
4142
the tragedy of being chase delauter is that no matter how many home runs he hits, he will never catch delauter
10
3
758
i just realized that the 2026 mlb season is being played in the year 2026. that's gotta be rigged right? because if that's a coincidence holy shit
24
2
1096
i just caught myself using the word âconflatingâ in a casual conversation. that was so embarrassing. i gotta stop reading books
29
9
1315
Reposted by Jon Bois
Paused MAD MEN while Ted Chaoughâs partner was in the hospital and the HBO Max interstitial ad made it look like his dying wish was for a Whopper.
157
140
10769
this is sick. it's the kind of thing i would have loved to try to do at some point if i had any idea how. great work @adumb.codes www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtJxJqAqt0Q
17
2
751
i often see people misuse the term "orwellian nightmare" to describe a dystopian scenario. that's not what an orwellian nightmare is. an orwellian nightmare is when you have to do the dishes two nights in a row even though it's your brother's turn because he got invited to some stupid birthday party
21
3
1316
here are my 2026 mlb predictions:
al east
al central
al west
nl east
nl central
nl west
rookie of the year (al)
rookie of the year (nl)
mvp (al)
mvp (nl)
cy young award (al)
cy young award (nl)
al wc
nl wc
alds
nlds
alcs
nlcs
world series
al east
al central
al west
nl east
nl central
nl west
rookie of the year (al)
rookie of the year (nl)
mvp (al)
mvp (nl)
cy young award (al)
cy young award (nl)
al wc
nl wc
alds
nlds
alcs
nlcs
world series
52
4
830
harry potter's the second one, right? never got around to reading it. i didn't even read harry pot
27
3
981
iâm working on a new persona called The Joke Doctor. when someone whoâs never heard of me posts a joke iâll reply with âThe doctor is inâŚ..â and then rewrite their joke by replacing its subject with a word it kind of sounds like. then iâll sign off the post with âFixed it for yaâŚâŚâ
27
1
887
me: hey! you guys cut it out or i'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich
alan ritchson: oh no, it's ... it's jon!!!
vince wilfork: we're in for it now, boys!
isaac chotiner: we better scram!!!
alan ritchson: oh no, it's ... it's jon!!!
vince wilfork: we're in for it now, boys!
isaac chotiner: we better scram!!!
13
2
699
Reposted by Jon Bois
guy commissioning a bust of himself: how will you determine the shipping charges
me: weigh a head of you
me: weigh a head of you
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2
2907