Tolkien only mentions this in the appendices but

the Elves left for the Undying Lands because they owed everyone a lot of money

February 27, 2026 - 15:51 UTC

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The Dwarves showing up in Rivendell looking for Elrond
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Bundled long term low interest loans collapsed when the Westfold fell
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Dine & dash, CLASSIC Noldor bullshit
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They put someone’s money to sleep
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That compounding interest trick where $20 400 years ago has now become 80 billion, also applied with loans it turns out...
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Dwarven architecture ain't cheap
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"No Celeborn aqui."
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Elrond lost seven figures when Isildur took a knee at the one instead of running the ring all the way into the fires of Mount Doom
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Elrond, a surprise "run the damn ball" proponent
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"they were elves once... Until AJ Brown was held without a reception in their 10 leg parlay"
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"If you want your seed money back, come and claim it!"
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"I thought you were going to set him free!"

"I did. I set him free from his gold because I have a hot tip on the Kentucky Derby and I sure would like more shiny white gems from the dwarves"
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when Celeborn asks if we can make the next mortgage payment on Lothlórien
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Their alumni association will still find them to ask for donations
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When my dad was deployed to Vietnam, he didn't know where he was going.

When he showed up, he had mail waiting. It was from his alumni association asking for a donation.
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We've been trying to reach you about your steed's extended warranty.
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all my Beornings,, gone
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when the parlay doesn't come through and you're going to have to leave or turn Rivendell into Dollywood for Hobbits
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being immortal really sucks when it comes to the vig
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His only solace is that he lives longer than his creditors. Just continuously pushing back the payments
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A lembas bread funnel cake would heal me like an elixir
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FanDuels, proud sponsor of Barad-dûr.
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Ok, the fellowship shall leave for Mordor, hurry up cause this place is now an AirBNB as soon as yall leave, go on, get
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god dammit I knew I couldn’t count on Balin. All my mithril,, gone
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what were the legs on an agent smith parlay i wonder
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Have you seen his waterfall budget, Elrond can’t handle money for SHIT
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"Welcome to Elessar's Sword Shoppe."
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Why the casinos in Númenor all face west
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When you forgot to pay the mortgage on the last homely house east of the sea
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Shreveportshire
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they should just request like 500 year loans and just wait for people to die
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This implies the Undying Lands don’t allow for extradition
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"Ungoliant destroyed the light of the two trees" you were an age behind on payments and that shit got repossessed
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Think how much compound interest accrues over the 2000 years Elrond was avoiding calls from the debt collectors.
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the Unowing Lands
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They were making equipment to mine Mithril, selling that equipment to the dwarves while at the same time loaning the dwarves money to buy the equipment, and then signing contracts with the dwarves to buy the Mithril, and it all just imploded on itself
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I’m reading this as Elves have real Tech Billionaire energy
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Most relatable thing about them
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Morgoth ain't worse than the debt collectors that's for sure
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So I had to pull the fuck out and leave
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I assume the Elves claimed innocence, as their reckless indebtedness was due to "Force of Hobbit"
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i hear the homestead exemption in the west is very favorable
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Galadriel got busted for insider trading on Kalshi
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Collectors after them for past due payments on their Crate and Barrell cards
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"Old Toby needs you to take this suitcase to Moria or he's gonna have to break your legs"

-A hobbit with neck tattoos
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Gandalf telling them to 'fly you fools' because he bet the house on Kalshi there was no balrog
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A fleet of Númenórean loan sharks arrive at the coast of Aman.

Eru Ilúvatar hastily remaking the world and ending the 2nd Age: Oh shit! Oh shit! Tell them I'm not here!
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Point:They are thousands of years old - compound interest should be working for them.

Counterpoint: Rivendell was clearly a very nice place to live and the elves lived well.
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Is this an allegory for Florida?
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Lord Elrond yelling “I declare bankruptcy!” From the ship like Michael Scott.
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