Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social

Writer from San Antonio, Tx. My debut novel Aickman: Tales of a Normal Childhood is available now on Amazon: https://a.co/d/h3aCvnK

Turns out dandruff isn't cocaine for aliens. That was just a fucked up looking dude who loves the way my head smells.
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Swear to God when I was like ten I picked up a Star Wars book and the first line was, “Chewbacca bit a kid so they shot him.“
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I’m glad it didn’t happen but how funny would it have been if a whale swallowed the capsule right as it splashed down?
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
19h
It turns out that a neighbor buried a clown nose in our backyard because he was jealous of my beautiful hair and that's why a greasy, pulsing circus tent is growing out of the ground.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
19h
I was the one who convinced Robert Zemeckis to change the name of the movie from The Idiot And The Whore to Forrest Gump. "You'll never win the Oscar like that, Bob," I said to him and he was all, "Feel my muscles," and I did. They weren't great.
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Mr Squiggle, the Man from the Moon
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
1d
While I am sorry about the scene I caused at Outback Steakhouse, the fact remains that once I managed to rip the waiter's shirt off, he DID have a tattoo of my face on his back and his silence Re: My follow up questions did nothing to defuse the situation.
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A tiny bug was jumping and walking on the computer screen so I decided to trace his movements for the length of Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. This is the resulting picture.
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While I am sorry about the scene I caused at Outback Steakhouse, the fact remains that once I managed to rip the waiter's shirt off, he DID have a tattoo of my face on his back and his silence Re: My follow up questions did nothing to defuse the situation.
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Despite everything that has happened in the past year, I am still optimistic about bulky item trash pickup day and the promise of the disappearance of bulky items from my life.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
2d
Watching that episode of Babar where they hang all those communist elephants in front of the palace including one of Babar's kids. I think the bison from the CIA was voiced by Burl Ives.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
2d
If I were to ever wake up to find myself transformed into a giant bug, I would call myself Insector and become the scourge of Sparkle City and its sworn protector The Emerald Eagle.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
4d
Out in the backyard. 2:00 AM. I was staring at lizards by porchlight when I noticed an old man teetering across an electric powerline like a tightrope. "I did everything wrong," he said, looking down. "Same," I said back. "We are the midnight men," he said as God forgave us both.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
4d
Egg hunt went well. Shot most of them. Burned the field to get the rest.
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Egg hunt went well. Shot most of them. Burned the field to get the rest.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
5d
Guy on the bus telling me that the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and other such myths are all one creature. A being so powerful that Druids had to break its mind and split its personality to save us from it. Anyway, I got so annoyed I hit the guy and he died. I fucked up. I'm so fucked.
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Out in the backyard. 2:00 AM. I was staring at lizards by porchlight when I noticed an old man teetering across an electric powerline like a tightrope. "I did everything wrong," he said, looking down. "Same," I said back. "We are the midnight men," he said as God forgave us both.
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Woke up and ate charcuterie and day-old sushi just like at the last supper.
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If I were to ever wake up to find myself transformed into a giant bug, I would call myself Insector and become the scourge of Sparkle City and its sworn protector The Emerald Eagle.
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Guy on the bus telling me that the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and other such myths are all one creature. A being so powerful that Druids had to break its mind and split its personality to save us from it. Anyway, I got so annoyed I hit the guy and he died. I fucked up. I'm so fucked.
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In my part of the world, we smash colorful hollowed out eggs filled with confetti over each other's heads during Easter. These colorful confetti eggs are called Cascarones. It's a tradition that makes just as much sense as any other aspect of Easter.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
6d
Being a single father isn't easy when your baby is a dancing cancer and your kitchen sink eats blood. But when your mother's face lives inside all the clocks and the sun won't stop laughing at your penis then maybe, just maybe, your skin is Jesus Christ. This summer, Jacob Elordi IS Danny Bonkers.
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Saw some friends tonight. I hugged them and told them I loved them.
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Psychlos, an alien race from the planet Psychlo, are 9 feet tall which is taller than even the tallest recorded human who was of course Robert Wadlow who stood at an impressive 8 feet 11 inches.
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Not too far into the book but this Jonnie Goodboy Tyler doesn't seem like such a Good Boy. In fact, there's something of the rebel about him.
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The mall rejected my idea for making Easter less silly by replacing a guy in a bunny suit with a marble plinth on which rests a black velvet pillow on which rests a sacred egg into which you whisper your sins.
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Watching that episode of Babar where they hang all those communist elephants in front of the palace including one of Babar's kids. I think the bison from the CIA was voiced by Burl Ives.
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I am currently reading Mitt Romney's favorite book.
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Had a podiatrist appointment so I clipped my toenails so he'd never know how much of a piece of shit I am.
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Anthony D. Herrera @aherrera.bsky.social
7d
Dreamt of a wondrous light and a peace within our grasp. Woke to find an Angel above my bed. With their elysian hand, they caressed my face and transformed me into a cryptocurrency. My digital flesh funds nightmarish things. I love Easter. I love it so God Damn much.
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