Fucking WHAT

April 09, 2026 - 01:32 UTC

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This is me on a day to day basis. Cant do the things I WANT to do, canโ€™t do the things I NEED to do, I just go blank and suddenly several hours have passed
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me with drawing lately except its Both things i want to do and things i dont want to do. I have an unwritten art queue of over 20 drawings partially including personal things i want to draw For Myself . and i havent finished any of them AT ALL and half of them i havent even started either ๐Ÿ˜ญ
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I wanna say that being unable to do things you want to do starts intersecting into "PDA" imho, but I am not a psychologist, social worker, or other mental health medical professional.

that's 'pathological demand avoidance' or less negatively, 'pervasive desire for autonomy'.
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THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED AND I HAD NO IDEA THIS WHOLE TIME????

WHAT THE FUCK????
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YES๐Ÿ˜ญ big time
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PDA has a lot of additional features with regards to anxiety and acting out and other mechanisms to avoid doing things, executive dysfunction issues across autism and ADHD look similar to this illustration
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Yep. Then repeat those two panels for 30 minutes to 2 hours. Or more.
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www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.631596/full
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oh so THATS what itโ€™s called
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youtube.com/shorts/JAVTtGVZ0e0?si=55WrZRMKp-sDBaPD

This guy does such a good job capturing it.
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Fuck it real is like this(thinks about how I've been trying to get the patches on my jacket for the past several days)
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it me :(
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oh yeah i need to print this and show it to my therapist to explain what i'm constantly dealing with
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Ive literally been telling myself for like a month "damn, i really wanna rewatch the spiderverse movies, theyre masterpieces of art" have i sense then? No. Will i solve that problem instead of typing it out and explaining the whole situation? Also no
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That is 100% me!

I keep saying "I should play Final Fantasy 9! I LOVE That game it will be a great time!"

And the other half of my brains says "Yeah but what if you have too much fun?"

and then we get stuck in a process loop until bed time....
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It doesnt help that most people need to commute 30+ minutes to and from work + deal with side hustles or second jobs just to survive. Its so hard to balance shit
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Oh. Ouch. I feel this
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When the dysfunction is dysfunctioning so bad you can't play video games or watch TV.
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THIS
EXACT
FUCKING
THING!

Many times I find myself like that, and when I finally do-the-thingโ„ข I am like "dude this is so great, why I dont do it more often" (music, art or whatever)

And then I start overanalyzing cuz I've done so many of them before, over and over!
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So fckn real. There have been multiple instances where Iโ€™ve wanted to work on my art or my stories and my executive dysfunction just laughs in my face
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so this is what i have been going through
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idk if i have this but i do have depression and the ends are pretty much the same in that i spent an entire afternoon going "hm, i should play my favorite video game" and then just, not actually do that
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Depression can do it too for sure. Then it's often connected with ahedonia. Like you might know that it is something you enjoy, but either lately it hasn't been fun, or you just feel like you won't like it (until you try it).
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โ€œI canโ€™t wait to do this, this, and this!โ€
*proceeds to do something else entirely cause I either think I have to prioritize it first or I ended up doing it out of the blue*
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My favorite part is when you spend all day at work being excited to play a game or watch a show when you get home and then you get home and donโ€™t do either because ????
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Ive often described this as knowing something in my head but not feeling it, yknow? Like my brain knows that I should do the thing, I want to do the thing, everything points to doing the thing, itd be good for me to,but its like something else inside just doesnt believe that seemingly obvious fact.
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An invisible wall between me and the thing that I'll have to learn how to climb, but continuing to scroll mindlessly on my phone (or whatever dopamine trap I'm currently in) is easier, regardless of what "the thing" is
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I got told by a therapist "executive dysfunction isn't a diagnostic for adhd" when I told her what I struggle with the most, and it's actually not named in the official thingie?(Germany) it just says struggle to stay focused etc. but I know it's a thing though,I don't know how to explain it differen
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I should drink water, that thing which is essential for my survival and I already know I'm kinda dehydrated but I also just like drinking water

[2 hours later]

It's been ???? minutes, I -really- should drink some water...
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Any time I get high and mighty about pets not being able to take care of themselves, I remind myself that every pet I've ever had or known drinks water when they're thirsty, and I have to set a watch alarm to do it. >w<
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[4 hours later]

Why does my head hurt and why am I tired ๐Ÿ˜ฉ Oh yeah, waterโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆ.
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Me every time I get a migraine honestly
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"I should pee." *Continues to sit at computer*
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I'm in this picture.
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"Oh I really liked that show/game I watched/played yesterday, I should experience more of it."

"Ah, but am I in the mood for it? Do I want to finish this good thing too soon?"

Then you never touch the thing again.
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"But am I REALLY in the mood for it???" is the cousin of The Big Sitโ„ข and indeed many a time has initiated The Big Sitโ„ข.
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Add in ADHD time blindness and--

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT'S BEDTIME I JUST GOT HOME
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S'true though. It's part of what ADHD does, starves the brain of your usual dopamine so you scramble towards other sources to try and get it, without meaning to or knowing that that's what you're doing.
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yup.
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"I should play that video game I just bought that I was really excited about"

*doesn't do that*
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more like story of my life.
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Yeah...
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My dear, I'm in this picture and I don't like it.
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Which one are you?
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Our executive functions control all these departments in our brain.

When it comes to 'Activation, Focus, & Action' i've always described it as 'inertia'

An object in motion will stay in motion. An object at rest will stay at rest. (Until something else causes it to stop/start.)
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< saves image >
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So for us, with executive dysfunction. For both the things we want to do, and don't want to do... we can end up stuck 'at rest' with nothing to push us into action. I can be sitting there going: I really want to play this game!!! and be stuck unable to start, getting more and more frustrated.
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its true this happens to me all the time
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I need to clean my room
[3 months later]
I really should get to that...
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It's true tho. This is so fucking true and I hate it.
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yeah........
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Good God, this has been me for so long.
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AuDHD club here. Itโ€™s torture, especially with OCD and GAD. ๐Ÿ˜ญ
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It is like that....
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Yeah. Gaming.
I really would love to be gaming a bunch.
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Jeez is that what that feeling is ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ
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You'd think THIS was my hobby, for how often it happens.
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โ€œhmm iโ€™ve had a stressful day today, playing minecraft always consistently calms me down and distracts me from the horrors of the real world, i should do thatโ€

i then proceeded to doomscroll and do fuck all until i had to go to sleep
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real
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YUP.

I have spent evenings staring at games i'd enjoy playing and CANNOT FUCKING START.
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sometimes i even make it all the way to my piano and then my hands wonโ€™t move
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The most annoying thing that happens to my stupid privileged self is that i will acc get a b4eak and the bc choiced paralysed with no idea which game i should play, if i should draw, if i should read or if i should watch a show, movie, yt vid or twich stream.

Soooooo fun
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Yeppppppppppppppppppp
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'Because good things are for good people,' is the thinking, getting stuck in a negativity rut sucks ass

Gotta find the right stick(s) to get back at it
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Probably just projecting depression for the most part to be honest, important to call it out all the same ๐Ÿ›‹๏ธ๐Ÿค“
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I've been this way a lot lately
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fucking based
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the truest statement ever tbh. I scream at myself to do something, ANYTHING, and it's like hitting a brick wall with my fist--painful and useless. And that's with things I ENJOY
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First of all, how fucking dare you.
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It feels like genuine paralysis sometimes. Like my body isnโ€™t connected to my damn brain. Uuuuugh it freaks me out!!
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I can't tell you how many times I'll be lying in bed screaming at myself to just GET UP AND DO THE THING, YOU LIKE THE THING WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT, and my body's just like ".......Nah."
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The fact his image isn't even loading for me as a preview unless I click on it is just EXTRA meta, tbh.
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Welcome to the club.
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World's worst club tbh
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I would like to be pointed to the exit, plz ๐Ÿฅบ
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YEP.
IT SUCKS.
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It's truuuuuuuuue
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The person is trying to work on something, but wants to do something else so ends up doing nothing.
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That is not what the comic is saying
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I should play Sonic Racing Cross Worlds

*continues doom scrolling*
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Can't focus on work, can't have fun, can't rest. Can only sit and wait and ruminate.
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This is me, I want to be sitting down focusing on building a robot, BUT ALL THE VOICES WONT SHUT UP ABOUT ALL THE OTHER THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE and the result is doing nothing. :(
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IT'S TRUE THOUGH
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One time my exec function was so bad, I had to pee so bad it hurt but I couldn't. I felt like I was paralyzed
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Yup yup! I have all these interests and all these things I want to do and then I don't do them and after a while I start questioning myself, whether I'm really interested, whether I really care, reinforced by always hearing "If you cared you'd do it" growing up.
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The little people in your head are trying to make the thing happen but the controls aren't responding.
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The fun part is the emotional afterparty where all the demons in your head get together and beat the tar out of you over your lack of productivity no it's great actually
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Me when I thought antidepressants would fix executive dysfunction, but I still got AuDHD ๐Ÿ˜ญ
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This is so true tho. I mean, antidepressants helped me with my energy and motivation, but my brain is still wired differently.
(Not me wanting to increase my dosage in hopes that it will make me more productive like 2 months ago. I didn't go through with it fortunately) :neodog_woozy:
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