This is me on a day to day basis. Cant do the things I WANT to do, canโt do the things I NEED to do, I just go blank and suddenly several hours have passed
me with drawing lately except its Both things i want to do and things i dont want to do. I have an unwritten art queue of over 20 drawings partially including personal things i want to draw For Myself . and i havent finished any of them AT ALL and half of them i havent even started either ๐ญ
I wanna say that being unable to do things you want to do starts intersecting into "PDA" imho, but I am not a psychologist, social worker, or other mental health medical professional.
that's 'pathological demand avoidance' or less negatively, 'pervasive desire for autonomy'.
PDA has a lot of additional features with regards to anxiety and acting out and other mechanisms to avoid doing things, executive dysfunction issues across autism and ADHD look similar to this illustration
Ive literally been telling myself for like a month "damn, i really wanna rewatch the spiderverse movies, theyre masterpieces of art" have i sense then? No. Will i solve that problem instead of typing it out and explaining the whole situation? Also no
It doesnt help that most people need to commute 30+ minutes to and from work + deal with side hustles or second jobs just to survive. Its so hard to balance shit
Many times I find myself like that, and when I finally do-the-thingโข I am like "dude this is so great, why I dont do it more often" (music, art or whatever)
And then I start overanalyzing cuz I've done so many of them before, over and over!
So fckn real. There have been multiple instances where Iโve wanted to work on my art or my stories and my executive dysfunction just laughs in my face
idk if i have this but i do have depression and the ends are pretty much the same in that i spent an entire afternoon going "hm, i should play my favorite video game" and then just, not actually do that
Depression can do it too for sure. Then it's often connected with ahedonia. Like you might know that it is something you enjoy, but either lately it hasn't been fun, or you just feel like you won't like it (until you try it).
โI canโt wait to do this, this, and this!โ *proceeds to do something else entirely cause I either think I have to prioritize it first or I ended up doing it out of the blue*
My favorite part is when you spend all day at work being excited to play a game or watch a show when you get home and then you get home and donโt do either because ????
Ive often described this as knowing something in my head but not feeling it, yknow? Like my brain knows that I should do the thing, I want to do the thing, everything points to doing the thing, itd be good for me to,but its like something else inside just doesnt believe that seemingly obvious fact.
An invisible wall between me and the thing that I'll have to learn how to climb, but continuing to scroll mindlessly on my phone (or whatever dopamine trap I'm currently in) is easier, regardless of what "the thing" is
I got told by a therapist "executive dysfunction isn't a diagnostic for adhd" when I told her what I struggle with the most, and it's actually not named in the official thingie?(Germany) it just says struggle to stay focused etc. but I know it's a thing though,I don't know how to explain it differen
Any time I get high and mighty about pets not being able to take care of themselves, I remind myself that every pet I've ever had or known drinks water when they're thirsty, and I have to set a watch alarm to do it. >w<
S'true though. It's part of what ADHD does, starves the brain of your usual dopamine so you scramble towards other sources to try and get it, without meaning to or knowing that that's what you're doing.
So for us, with executive dysfunction. For both the things we want to do, and don't want to do... we can end up stuck 'at rest' with nothing to push us into action. I can be sitting there going: I really want to play this game!!! and be stuck unable to start, getting more and more frustrated.
โhmm iโve had a stressful day today, playing minecraft always consistently calms me down and distracts me from the horrors of the real world, i should do thatโ
i then proceeded to doomscroll and do fuck all until i had to go to sleep
The most annoying thing that happens to my stupid privileged self is that i will acc get a b4eak and the bc choiced paralysed with no idea which game i should play, if i should draw, if i should read or if i should watch a show, movie, yt vid or twich stream.
the truest statement ever tbh. I scream at myself to do something, ANYTHING, and it's like hitting a brick wall with my fist--painful and useless. And that's with things I ENJOY
I can't tell you how many times I'll be lying in bed screaming at myself to just GET UP AND DO THE THING, YOU LIKE THE THING WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT, and my body's just like ".......Nah."
This is me, I want to be sitting down focusing on building a robot, BUT ALL THE VOICES WONT SHUT UP ABOUT ALL THE OTHER THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE and the result is doing nothing. :(
Yup yup! I have all these interests and all these things I want to do and then I don't do them and after a while I start questioning myself, whether I'm really interested, whether I really care, reinforced by always hearing "If you cared you'd do it" growing up.
The fun part is the emotional afterparty where all the demons in your head get together and beat the tar out of you over your lack of productivity no it's great actually
This is so true tho. I mean, antidepressants helped me with my energy and motivation, but my brain is still wired differently. (Not me wanting to increase my dosage in hopes that it will make me more productive like 2 months ago. I didn't go through with it fortunately) :neodog_woozy: