Think much of the over-parenting we despise stems from the early on fear of the driver.
If parents weren't terrified of our streets kids would have so much more freedom and independence which might get them comfortable with their children's ability to navigate the world without them.

December 05, 2025 - 12:09 UTC

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That makes a lot of sense. What I see (YYC) is that our local sidewalks & parks are mostly empty on weekday evenings because people are at home watching TV or playing video games.

Once in a while you see some kids on electric dirt bikes...
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I think this is true, combined with the need to chauffer kids everywhere *and* with our response to millions of women entering the workforce, which was to ratchet parenting standards up so high that anything less than 24/7 chaperoning became negligence.
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and sometimes even 24/7 chaperoning is still not enough.

Raquel Nelson's case is discussed in Life After Cars. She was walking with her kids when a driver with a history of vehicular violence killed one of her children. She was still prosecuted.
abcnews.go.com/US/mother-boy-killed-hit-run-driver-probation-community/story?id=14158040
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completely agree

btw this is a really interesting read on quite how much freedom children used to have, yet we're in a much safer time on so many other metrics

I think solving heavy dangerous cars, and the 'landscape' they create, is critical in many ways

www.theguardian.com/books/2013/apr/19/kith-riddle-childscape-review
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thanks for sharing this!
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For me I was kind of traumatized as a kid living near where other kids went missing by Clifford Olson, and later the disappearance of Michael Dunahee from near my parents house in Victoria. Hard to shake that learned paranoia growing up.
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Beyond the fear of cars there’s the possibility that some “well meaning” person might report you for letting your children exercise independence anywhere near a street with car traffic.

Kids walking to school caused a stir in the community FB chat recently… luckily most supported the parents.
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Yes I was always questioned why I didn’t walk down the street to meet the bus and walk my children home. They loved that bit of freedom.
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So true
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Ok, here is where I have to tell you all that I walked a mile to school in first and second grades, and I am old enough that we were sent home for lunch so that was 4 miles per day. We had crossing guards. Don’t these exist anymore?
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I thought about this a lot during our first family camp adventure last summer.

Our 6-year-old twins loved the freedom of riding bikes without us to their friends’ cabins, to the general store, to the fields.

This was only possible because all of the parents knew there no cars on the grounds.
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In 1973 at age five years old, I navigated from home to Hohokam grade school each day all by myself. The only time I had any problem was when our German Shepherd attacked me coming home through the backyard. No stranger dangers or car dangers, just our very own German Shepherd danger. Cléo
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Having to cart them around/take them everywhere for everything even in their own neighbourhood and for even the most minute of things I.e the dreaded Play date….cultivates a mutual dependency that is probably not healthy.
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/guardians.
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If they can’t navigate a block and a half to school alone then how the hell could they possibly figure out everything else coming?
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I have met high school kids in Chicago who were just starting to navigate independently after being driven everywhere. They had no clue and got really lost. Parents coddling for that long do their kids no favors in terms of basic skills like navigation, street smarts & using transit.
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Missing quotes ⬆️
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By navigating, I mean all of the day-to-day obstacles that we all go through growing up and and learning about the world around us
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And basic decision making.
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don't care about their mobility? No prob, think about your relaxing time. bsky.app/profile/tomflood.bsky.social/post/3lt5hh7g5bc2h
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My older kids caught a city bus to school, which got cut during covid and never returned. I'm mad about it every day.
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I think a lot of deference to drivers also comes from the fact that that's by far the most palatable way to communicate to toddlers that they must not go too close to roads where people are driving.
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I have long thought this. With the focus on kidnapping in the 1980s, parents finally had a reason to keep their kids inside without saying aloud that the cars they were driving had ruined their children’s environment.
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Meanwhile, some of the parents driving their kids to protect them become hazards to other people. :(
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I was just saying this! My 10 yo can definitely play soccer or baseball with friends at the park without parental supervision and it’s a mere 5 min walk from our house, but crossing the busy 4 lane road is still iffy. One mom drive her kid even though he could walk and I walk my kid over there.
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Yes!!!
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I've never been a helicopter parent - because I can't afford helicopters or fuel for one. 😏🤙✨

... ... ha ... ha ?
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Yes. People romanticize cars as symbols/tools of freedom and yet they make it so that kids can't go more than a mile away from their house without their parents until they're 15. Not a great way to develop independence or agency!
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so many folks leave urban areas for the burbs because if they have to cart their kids everywhere may as well have a front/back yard.

i prefer to think of the city as my front/backyard… so many great toys and things to do conveniently near transit, trail, bike lane
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💯💯💯
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Guess which age japanese kids start taking the train alone.
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Our town implemented the safe routes for school program whereby the majority of the students can get to school on a fully protected walk/bike path. It has not been successful so if fear is the factor, they must be afraid of something else.
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it’s all this. The only thing I’m really worried about is my kid getting hit by a car. Have friends who won’t let their kids walk home from school from the same worry. We blame predators but it’s really cars.
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Definitely - there was no time more anxious for me than from 3pm until that front door swung open and the kids barreled in safely.
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"Cars = freedom" is the most libertarian American thing because it's a freedom that costs the freedom of someone below you on the socioeconomic hierarchy (children, people who can't afford cars, the disabled, etc.).
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i wonder what changed in the last 40 years...
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My kids are short, and their height / visibility to a car is pretty much the only thing keeping me from turning them loose on the city.

The can handle everything else.

They have free rein on car-free governors island.
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Having a kid hit home for me how our built environment is designed to rob him of any freedom. Lived and walked in U.S, cities for 35 years and I feel like it’s never been worse. A combo of 1950s design, bloated vehicles, screens, and increasing assholery. A block from his school at drop-off time.
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I often get concerned looks for the amount of independence I give my kids (8 and 5) in our local park, which has a number of denser woodland sections. But I know that they are statistically much safer in the park and that it's the journey to and from the park where the actual danger lies.
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The park is barely 200m from home but that includes crossing a road with 3600 daily journeys with no crossing point & reduced visibility. The alternative route has a crossing but is nearly double the distance but involves walking along an even busier road where drivers drive and park on the pavement
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Yes, there are both positive and negative cycles here, but traffic danger is a critical barrier! It supports social safety as well: parents let their children be independent-> children connect with neighbors-> parents feel safe b/c they know their children are socially connected -> more independence
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Brilliant.
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Having moved from a drive-everywhere city to a walk-everywhere city with two kids, can confirm. We give them more independence here because we can.
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This was 100% true for me. Our own street has people sailing by doing 60 in a 30, swerving *at* the sidewalk to go around speed bumps, and going the wrong way on a one way. Pretty scary to leave to a little kid to navigate.
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Sadly the parental fear is often quite reasonable.

People in Ireland pay big money to go to a resort where cars are banned. Like that's the fundamental attraction. Unaffordable for many.

Instead of designing our urban areas around the free movement of our children and less mobile loved ones.
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💯💯 Oh for sure. Our cities are nightmares to move around.
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And when they can't go outside, of course they go on screens.
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Don’t cross the big streets is the first limit on our freedom as kids.
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