A FEMA official has repeatedly claimed that he can teleport.

April 06, 2026 - 22:57 UTC

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I am pretty sure I teleported from a bar to Dennys one time in college.
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Sounds like drug/alcohol induced blackouts.
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art
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The most likely explanation for this is Korsakov syndrome, where the brain makes up stories to explain massive memory deficits due to brain damage from excessive long-term alcohol use
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Dave, thank you, you’re fucking killing it.
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🤣😂
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Sigh
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I teleported once during a night out with my boys too, but the really miraculous occurrence took place the next morning when I woke up to feel my head spontaneously combusting and I had somehow magically generated vomit on my pillow.
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absolute precision nailing this hilarious take(down) on this batshit news, #WinsTheInternet 😂😂😂 classic trope #ftw !
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Ps. Extra points for the JD Vance book cover featuring an aesthetically pleasing Methodist Church as a background 🤣
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It was an excellent choice!
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I caught that! Lol, he is Catholic ofc
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Plus points for killing a pope
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I've never heard such a clear case of "I have a serious drinking problem," without the person ever bringing up alcohol.
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Amaze amaze amaze!!
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Are you sure you weren't blackout drunk question?
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What he's really experiencing is memory loss, but as Trump appointees go, it's probably more sane than some.
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Yea, I'm guessing he gets black-out drunk and he's calling that teleporting. Someone should find out who "my boys" are that he was mentioning and ask them what happened with Waffle House, because they'd probably say "yeah, he was so damn drunk he just up and left, then when we finally got
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He also says god made his car fly. And end up in a ditch.
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That's how it feels when you're drunk and you don't remember shit.
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I was going to say... that man had done a lot of mind-altering substances.

I don't think it was (just) alcohol. Ambien maybe?
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I used to teleport a lot. That's why I had to quit drinking.
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Teleporting is no fun. Can confirm.
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😂😂😂
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TELEPORT DEEZ NUTS
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I teleported to Jack in the Box after hitting a 3 foot bong for the first time.
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You know they're just stuipd KKKlowns if they're bragging about teleporting to fucking WAFFLE HOUSE.

Shit, if I could teleport it would be to some amazing places like Paris or Lake Geneve, Switzerland, even NYC.

Rubes. MAGATs are rubes. 100%.
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Hey now. I have definitely teleported home from the bar on several occasions. 🤣😂
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I wondered if he, Greg Phillips, was a moronic psychopath, but he might be shamelessly exploiting morons. Like, it started with more believable, organic conspiracies, UFO's, Waco, chemtrails, but the method is proven: just say the dumbest shit and stupid people will make you rich.
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Back in my day, we called that there a blackout. Might want to get that looked into there, bud. 🥴
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🤣🤣 🏆🏆
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🏆
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..Where can I buy this clock?
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Hahaha I was hoping someone else noticed this!
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This is so fun!
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He must be on Herpex.
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Yeah, “teleporting.” It’s definitely not "blacking out." 🙄
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I don't think he knows what teleporting is.
It's not riding around in a flying car.
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Didn’t even take his boys to the Waffle House.
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How old are the boys? I'm hoping that they are at least old enough to be left alone

Also, is he saying that he teleports with his car? Or does he just have to get an Uber or the bus home?
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I wonder what steaming, swilling Bat Guano for brains actually feels like.
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In Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse 5”, Billy Pilgrim is “unstuck in time” and time travels without warning. This is sometimes interpreted now as PTSD.

Teleporting, or losing awareness of your surroundings and coming back to awareness many miles away, may have a different interpretation.
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This dude thinks it’s Jesus who’s teleporting him, though.
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I really need those drugs.
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Can you imagine being such a dork that you claim to be about to teleport and the best place you can come up with to visit is the waffle house in Rome, GA?
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"A" WH in Rome. There are, like, 17 of them
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Pretty wild being this absent-minded and instead convincing yourself that you can teleport.
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WH employees don't play with that shit. Had he really just "popped" in they'd a had a cast iron skillet upside his head before he could say "smothered, scattered, and covered"
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Or, the orange idiot gave a guy with undiagnosed, untreated DID one of the most important jobs in the country while he thinks he can teleport. At best he's "just" a blackout drunk. At worst he has serious, untreated mental illness.
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Men would rather insist they have Waffle House teleportation powers than go to therapy.
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Art
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What I want to know is where was he SUPPOSED to be when he was teleporting?
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Not that unusual, when I was young I'd teleport to waffle house all the time. One minute you're at the bar 15 beers deep, then all of a sudden you're at waffle house and someone puked on your shoes.
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My theory is that he was blackout drunk and some friends threw him into the backseat and drove him there, carried his passed out ass into the Waffle House and he woke up after they poured the third cup of coffee down his throat
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Didn't even realize the video restarted, it was so seamless

5 stars
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Sounds like he experiences fugue states. He should seek psychiatric help immediately and be put on leave until it's under control.
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❤️❤️🤣🤣🤣
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